Rounding Up

Yesterday I realized it was already May1st; which is really close to May 8th; which basically means June 8th is only a month away! I liked that better than thinking I still have 5 more weeks (atleast) to go. I have now reached that point where I have been here almost 3 weeks and am sick and tired of sitting around all day. The only thing I can see from my window is another hallway of the hospital and some weeds. I keep myself busy with books, homework, and black ops; but I am definitely getting restless. After all this is said and done I may never want to lay around all day again. I definitely will be spending as much time outdoors as possible. Unfortunately, I keep forgetting that when I came to the hospital it was beautiful 75-80 degree weather and when I leave it will be 120...Missing the only stretch of good weather in Phoenix is just cruel. I wouldn't say I am lonely (I get lots of visitors which I greatly appreciate, plus John is always around) and I am not necessarily bored but I do get depressed and overwhelmed by everything else I feel I should be doing or want to do. Milo could be here in a month and nothing is ready, and I have no control over getting things ready. The logical side of my brain realizes that even though Milo could be born in a month he won't be coming home for awhile after that. So I will have time to get things ready, but the emotional side of my brain is panicked at the thought of delivering a baby before everything is perfectly ready. All I have are a few clothes, diapers and a baby hat I made at last weeks arts and craft day. I realize a preemie baby who will stay in the NICU for quite awhile probably doesn't need much more than that; but it doesn't ease the panicked feeling (being a control freak is definitely not helping me in this matter). I have been so anxious over feeling prepared that I completely forgot I was suppose to graduate from my masters program next week! Even though I have been keeping up with my school work it just hasn't felt like a priority and with everything going on it just doesn't seem important. I wish I felt more proud or excited but it was just a one year accelerated program that went by so fast and has mostly been overshadowed by everything else going on (mainly buying our first house and getting pregnant). However I will still take a little time to celebrate from my room here; it went by fast but it is still a big (and expensive) accomplishment.